Birthdays, Christmas, they're hard on me. Nothing says loser in America like being alone on holidays or your birthday.
That crap sinks in with me some years. I'm the QUEEN of losers. I admit it. I embrace it. We're all losers, all fuck ups, in our own way. Think about it. Who do you remember after they die and for how long? NOBODY! So forget trying to be somebody! Embrace your nothingness. Ok, so much for lectures and self justification.
Well, it really isn't easy to be alone, have to do everything myself, figure out everything on my own, there's nothing easy about it.
Sometimes I collapse under the weight.
Yesterday I collapsed.
I could go mad with only myself as company and for conversation.
It's the way we are now, in America. However. Nobody really cares much about anybody. I have to be ok with that and able to survive that way. It's the norm. Half the people on this block live that way. The ones who don't are Mexicans and their places are crammed to the gills with people. Are they happier? I don't know. I don't speak their language.
Yard stray Funny Face comes here a lot. I see him on the stray feeder and go out with wet food for him, since his teeth are bad. He sees me and hisses in my face, as usual! He doesn't change!
WhiteFace comes all the time too, wanting wet food, hoping for it, but he'll eat the dry too. This is him from way back (photo below), taken four years ago. He only comes in the dark so I just have the old photo.
Zeva spends her days mostly in my backyard or in dead Jack's backyard, under the bushes, or stalking my cats. She likes to play with them through the windows in the cat yard. She technically has the home a block away.
|Zeva, on the right, visits Mooki|
Same home as owns Simba, whom I also got fixed, like I got fixed Zeva, Funny Face and White Face. Simba comes running when he sees me, and wants in my garage, so I let him in.